


Perfect Nightmare

by Potterwatch97



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Male Slash, One Shot, Songfic, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-19
Updated: 2013-07-19
Packaged: 2017-12-20 16:03:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/889174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Potterwatch97/pseuds/Potterwatch97
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being Tony Stark was never easy. And Steve wouldn't stay no matter how hard Tony tries. This is one nightmare neither can wake up from. But everything comes to an end... eventually.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perfect Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> The song is "Perfect Nightmare" by Shontelle if anyone wants a listen.
> 
> Also, this is comic-book Mandarin, not Movie-verse Mandarin. So no Iron Man 3 spoilers, don't worry.
> 
> OH! And if I get any of the military vocab wrong, I'm terribly sorry. Feel free to let me know and I'll correct it. I used what I know but my dad was a Tech Sarg. in the Air Force so I don't know much.

"I don't even understand why you think you have to do this! You're technically 97 years old for crying out loud! Tell them to find someone else!"

"Tony, you're being unreasonable. I have the body of a 27 year old and in all essence I am a 27 year old! I have the ability to so this, I'm not useless. I never technically retired you know."

"This isn't what I wanted! I never wanted to have to deal with this! Don't do this to me Steve, please!"

_Sometimes we fight; sometimes I cry.  
Why don't I just tell him goodbye._

Steve said nothing, hanging his head as he turned toward the window. Tony stormed from the room on the verge of tears, unable to hold closed the floodgates. It was a useless argument and he knew it. They had been having it for the last month since Steve had gotten his orders.

He was to captain a squadron and take them into battle in the middle of a terrorist camp that Tony was all too familiar with. The Ten Rings.

_Sometimes I should, but sometimes I don't,  
build up the strength to say that it's wrong._

Steve recognized the name, and in all honesty, it made him want to take them out more. These were the people after Tony. The people who inflicted all his pain. The abduction in 2008, an attack on shield in 2012, after the Chitauri attack: The Mandarin. And he wouldn't stand for it anymore.

The last time they had attacked he thought his husband dead. He had slumped about for days, never leaving their room in the Stark Tower penthouse, worried for both him and Pepper, who had been caught up in the whole mess. Tony had barely made it out of that fight alive, and without help from War Machine and Fury, things may have ended differently. But luckily he had made it back alive, even if he was on the brink. Some weren't so lucky.

_Sometimes I hate, sometimes I love._  
 _Sometimes I hurt, sometimes I don't._  
 _Sometimes I wait for him to change,_

Tony had never been the same since Pepper had been killed. He became irritable, easily agitated. He argued more, lost the sparkle in his eye and the mischief in his smile. And Steve missed that. Their relationship had been strained since then. And Steve honestly thought that taking out the group personally responsible for all of Tony's pain in his life would make things better. Make Tony better.

_But it's okay, I've disguised the pain._

So he had requested to be sent on assignment to take out The Ten Rings. Of course, no one but Fury and his commander knew that.

_And I don't ever wanna leave him alone.  
They say I'm brainwashed but I'm in love with this man._

Tony couldn't believe this was happening, and Tony couldn't believe that Fury and Steve were agreeing to it. They both knew everything of what happened between Tony and The Ten Rings. If Tony didn't know any better he would've said that Steve had asked to be sent to take them out himself. But he knew Steve wasn't that stupid. That he wasn't so careless.

_Keep telling myself that it's not worth it;_  
 _I already know I don't deserve it._  
 _But if it's from you I don't mind hurting._  
 _This is my perfect nightmare,_

Tony would put up with The Ten Rings and The Mandarin for the rest of his life if it meant keeping Steve home safe with him forever. The pain of losing Steve was too great to think about. He'd lost Pepper already... He couldn't handle loosing Steve too. He just couldn't take it.

_So when will I wake up and scream  
No way, no way, no way,_

Tears were falling freely from both of their eyes. They stood in the JFK International Airport. Standing around them was the rest of the Avengers, watching with quiet reserve and silent tears and they watched their captain and his lover say goodbye.

_But if it's from you I don't mind hurting.  
This is my perfect nightmare, perfect nightmare._

"Tony... I have to go."

It took both Bruce and Thor to pull Tony off of him and hold him back as Steve turned to the terminal. Around them, sobbing and crying families were saying goodbye to their loved ones, not knowing if they would ever see them again.

Nobody's cries were as loud as Tony's.

_Sometimes I keep my cool, sometimes I let him know.  
Sometimes I even pack my bags to walk out the door_

Tony was quiet and reserved the whole way home. Bruce walked him to his room. JARVIS called a greeting, but Tony ignored it. Or he just didn't hear. He had grabbed a bottle of whiskey on the way up and sat in the bed, drinking in large mouthfuls. He held Steve's pillow to his chest. He could still smell him. Steve.

Just as Bruce was about to leave, Tony spoke.

"Why did I let him get close?"

Tony obviously wasn't expecting an answer, for when Bruce opened his mouth to speak, Tony rolled over and burrowed his head in the sheets. A muffled request to JARVIS before the lights switched off.

Bruce looked up to the ceiling, not knowing how to feel or what to do to help his best friend. Frowning, he left and shut the door behind him.

"Keep an eye on him JARVIS."

_**"Always, Dr Banner."** _

_Sometimes I feel safe, sometimes I really don't.  
Sometimes I promise that I'm ready to let him go._

Steve ran as quickly as his super soldier legs could carry him. War now was much different than he remembered. Of course, he was never fighting anyone with technology like today's. And this was an entirely different enemy. A new nightmare.

He forced himself to keep going. He had been separated from his men hours ago, Rhodey leading a half the group in the other direction. Most of them were probably either killed or captured by now. He tried not to think about it.

_But I don't ever wanna leave him alone.  
They say I'm brainwashed but I'm in love with this man._

He had to keep going for Tony. He had to protect Tony, keep him safe. He couldn't let these men continue to hurt the man he loved. And he would do everything in his power to try and kill them all, even if it meant never seeing Tony again. Everything was for Tony.

A shadow fell over him. He screamed at the pain.

_Keep telling myself that it's not worth it.  
I already know I don't deserve it._

Everyone was worried. Bruce, Clint, Natasha, JARVIS... Even Fury seemed sparing of Tony's feelings. And no one knew how to treat him.

When Pepper had dies he had at least had the strength to keep doing her job as CEO. He worked harder than he ever had in the position before. He designed more for the company, he went to meetings, he signed the paperwork, he answered phone calls, did interviews, the whole nine yards.

Now it seemed Tony didn't even want to push himself for the company. It was bad enough that Bruce and Natasha had to practically drag him out of bed to get him to bathe or eat.

Bruce opened the door. "Tony? Tony… Jane made spaghetti. Come and eat. She made it just how you like it."

"I'm not hungry."

"You haven't eaten since Monday Tones," it was Wednesday night. "At least eat a little bit. I can bring some in here and me and you can watch a movie?"

"No, thank you."

Bruce sighed, exiting the room with a slight wetness to his eyes.

_But if it's from you I don't mind hurting._  
 _This is my perfect nightmare,_  
 _so when will I wake up and scream_  
 _No way, no way, no way,_

He wasn't sure if he could take it anymore. The pain in his chest or the suffering in his mind, it was becoming too much. Always overcome with fear, nightmares of getting that call, that letter. The one that told you you would never see your loved ones again. And he tortured himself with it.

He jumped every time the phone rang. Every time someone rang the door bell Tony ran from the room in fear. He froze for hours staring at the mail he received, never knowing what he would find. And it terrified him. Everything terrified him. Because if he never saw Steve again then what would he do?

He would have nothing.

_But if it's from you I don't mind hurting.  
This is my perfect nightmare, perfect nightmare._

The letters that came were always late.

_**My dearest Tony,** _

_**I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't be home for the holidays. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for your birthday. And I'm sorry I won't be there for our anniversary. One year this Christmas... Can you believe it? It felt like just yesterday we were arguing on the helicarrier. It seems so stupid now.** _

_**I miss you: your voice, your touch. I miss falling asleep in the glow of your arc-reactor. I miss waking up to the sounds of you tearing something apart at the foot of the bed because of an idea you had that night. I always love watching you work. It amazes me what your brain comes up with.** _

_**Tell everyone I said hello, and I miss them all. Tell Clint to stop bothering Natasha, tell Bruce to just call Betty already, and remind Thor to unwrap the pop tarts before he eats them. We both know how he gets.** _

_**Things are going well here... Not many have died on this side and things are going smoothly. If this keeps up, the Colonel believes me and Rhodey will be home after the New Year rolls in...** _

_Hoping he's changing, but I'm scared he's not.  
Can't see a way to leave, help me open my eyes…_

Steve had never felt pain like this before. The pain felt in the Rebirth Chamber was like an annoying tickle compared to this.

He couldn't hold on much longer. He knew that, he wasn't naive enough to think he could ever make it out of here, much less alive. He was bleeding everywhere. He couldn't even tell where the blood was coming from anymore. So many bones were broken, so many parts of him torn and beaten and bruised that even with the serum he knew he wouldn't be healed enough to escape anytime soon.

He'd failed. He'd failed Tony. He failed SHIELD and the rest of the Avengers. He was their captain. He was supposed to be stronger than this.

He was Tony's lover. He needed to be stronger than this. He mentally cursed himself for ever asking for this assignment in the first place.

The door creaked open. The pain consumed him.

He closed his eyes.

_Keep telling myself that it's not worth it.  
I already know I don't deserve it._

Rhodey finished packing his bags, zipping them shut. He was going home today. But not for the reason he wanted to.

_But if it's from you I don't mind hurting.  
This is my perfect nightmare,_

He had been discharged and was being sent home. Broken leg, two broken ribs, 7 bruised, and a gunshot wound through the thigh. But all of this paled in comparison to the pain he would feel when he got home.

He was being sent home to talk with Tony Rogers-Stark. And they thought that it would be appropriate for him to tell his best friend that his husband was MIA. And that if he wasn't found in the next 48-72 hours, he would be considered killed-in-action, given a uselessly highly honored reward of some sort, and the search would be discontinued.

_Keep telling myself that it's not worth it.  
I already know I don't deserve it._

He slowly walked out of the tent on his crutches. When he pushed open the flap and started forward, he tripped.

Cursing loudly, he turned to see what he'd tripped on. He froze.

He screamed.

_But if it's from you I don't mind hurting,_

The doorbell rang at 9pm a few days after New Year's. Everyone froze.

_This is my perfect nightmare._

They weren't expecting anyone.

_So when will I wake up and scream  
No way, no way, no way,_

It was Rhodey. Standing covered in bruises and stitched up cuts. He was on crutches, and his bags were next to him. A man stood beside him, dressed in his formal army attire. He carried an envelope.

When he had seen Rhodey he had felt ecstatic. They were home.

Now he felt numb.

_No way, no way, no way._

"Rhodes..."

Rhodey was looking down at his feet. He looked up at Tony with tears in his eyes.

"Tony... I'm so sorry..."

_But if it's from you I don't mind hurting.  
This is my perfect nightmare, perfect nightmare,_

Tony fell to his knees in front of the headstone.

_No way. No way._

Bruce, Clint, Natasha, Jane, Thor, Coulson, Rhodey, and Fury stood for a moment longer. Each, one by one, turned on their heel and left to head back to the limo. Natasha and Clint led a sobbing Phil away. Bruce stepped forward, put a hand on Tony's shaking shoulders before turning to walk slowly to the car. Rhodey crutched back to the car with the help of Fury and Thor, his head hanging down, sobbing quietly.

_But if it's from you I don't mind hurting_

_****_

Captain Steven G. Rogers  


Captain America  


July 4, 1917 - December 25, 2015  


Leader, Lover, and Friend

**__**

"I'm loyal to nothing, General...except the Dream."

_This is my perfect nightmare, perfect nightmare._

Everyone was gone. Everything was gone. And Tony was completely and utterly alone once more.

_Perfect nightmare._

**Author's Note:**

> *You guys have no idea the type if mindset I have to put myself in to write these stories. It kills me every time. I also seem to have a thing for killing my favorite characters... Odd.
> 
> I won't deny, I cried a bit while writing this. Obviously this story is major AU. I know the characters are OOC, but it was meant to be that way. Eventually they just wrote themselves. This was pulled from the darker vaults of my mind and I am very proud of it. And I promise next one will be fluff. Lots of fluff. So much fluff your teeth will rot and fall out due to the sweetness of it all. Fluff x10. Fluff 2.0.


End file.
